please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
