...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
