i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
only if we run a train.
done.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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