Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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