Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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