I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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