Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
where are my eyebrows?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
