So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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