my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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