turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
