So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
