**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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