Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
