Jerry, you need to find god
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
