so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
