The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
