I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
