Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
