Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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