Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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