She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize