I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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