We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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