we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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