so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
