You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
