life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
