Even the bartender felt bad for me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
