I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
