so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Randomize
