Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
