I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She is in my trunk
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
