Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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