the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
