and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
