I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
