I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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