so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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