Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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