She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
should my penis look like a turkey
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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