their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
