Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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