Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
