my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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