you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
