wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
