Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
