3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
