just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think my fart just growled at me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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