Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.