When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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