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Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
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