i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Do vagina's smell?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.