NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
