Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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