4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
