Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
