thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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