Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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