I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
