turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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