Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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