so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
