I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
