Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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