dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
