Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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