Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
